Monday, July 4, 2011

The Space Between

The space between
the tears we cry
is the laughter
keeps us coming back for more.
Dave Matthews

That one sentence gets me every time. Things that are true have a tendency to do that, ring down into the deepest part of your soul, hit you right ~there~.

When you adopt a special needs child; even the most beautiful, healthy, gorgeous child, you sign up for uncertainty and what-ifs and could-be's. You don't think about it constantly, but it's there all the same, a little shadow in the corner. You learn the science and the statistics and you pray that you are not one of the unlucky few. You go to work and send your kid to school and you just live a typical suburban life...until the day the shadow steps into the center of the room and you realize you've come to the end of this space between.

...deep breath...

So...Maggie has been having a few issues lately. Not a big deal, comes with the territory with kids born with fetal tumors. We took her up to Gillette for an MRI, an ultrasound and other pictures. What they found turned out to be a very big deal. She has a new tumor and it is pressing on things inside and that is why she is having symptoms. It is attached to what little is left of her tailbone from her original surgery. They did a blood test and they are fairly certain that her tumor is benign, but they will not know that for certain until it is removed and they send it to the U for testing. We met with Dr. Saltzman, the Chief of Pediatric Surgery from the U of M, and he will perform her surgery on July 18th at Gillette in St. Paul. He will resect her new tumor and the rest of her tailbone. If all goes well, she should be home by the 20th. Recovery will take a few weeks and she won't be able to ride her bike for a while. She should be back up to 100% by the time the new school year starts after Labor Day.

[That whole thing about sending the tumor in for testing - we are not talking about that elephant in the room right now.]

What we need from you - Prayers, we will accept prayers of any and all kinds. We are not picky! Pray for complete healing, pray for guidance for her doctors, pray to the Virgin Mary to watch over our child, pray that I can find gluten free food in the hospital cafeteria (hey, momma needs love too). Pray to God, Buddha, all the Catholic saints, we don't discriminate over here. Light a fire and dance naked around the desert if you must (just don't share the pictures on Facebook).

Also, please say a prayer of thanksgiving that we live in Minnesota and have great doctors just up the road.

Do whatever it is you do to send positive healing light and love to our baby girl.

What we don't need right now - tears, pity, awkwardness. And for God's sake, no one is allowed to buy her a pony!

We have hit the end of our space between, but that's okay. There's another one coming and we can see it from here.

08/03/11 Update:
Maggie's surgery went off without a hitch on the 18th. He had planned for a 2-3 hour surgery and was in and out in 55 minutes. When he removed her tailbone, the tumor came right out with it and that was all that was needed. She spent just one night at Gillette Hospital, and was home by lunchtime the next day. The recovery period that was supposed to last 2-3 weeks only took one week!

We had an appointment with her surgeon last Monday and he told us that the elephant in the room was gone. The tumor was completely benign, he got good margins, we're done. Just follow ups every 4 months for a year. It was at that point that I realized I had been holding my breath since May.

He also took her off all restrictions. She can do whatever she wants, no worries. Bike, swim, play...whatever! We got home that afternoon and she asked me, "does this mean I can be a horse again?". Yes, Maggie, gallop to your hearts content.
We Are Done!

I would like to thank everyone who prayed for our girl. My Facebook friends and your prayer groups, my LWB friends, and my Yahoo group friends who asked for "complete and pain free healing".
It worked, prayers were answered and we are so very grateful.